“up the stairs, the station where, the act becomes the art of growing up”

i am so sick of summer right now
but i really dont want it to end… two-a-days are during school, so that means football at 6am…

so lame.

and i have a feeling i will be sick of school way early in the year. but like this year. it will all be over before you know it. and im hoping for it.

so i was watching a movie the other night, and i realized that… all i wanted from high school was a group of friends that i hung with the whole time. and who were in my class, at my school. my age.
and they were the group of friends that ive been with since kindergarten. and that ive been with the whole 4 years of high school, to where i can look back, and remember inside jokes, and laugh about old times.
and i could have had that… but i decided at my sophomore year that i was going to be above my classmates and not drink, not party.

and i look back, and that was a good decision in the long run prbly…
but what did i miss out on?

if i would have gone to the “parties”, i would have been accepted in my school more, had more friends here, been able to look back when i reach my senior year. been able to have that group… and ive had the urge just to let loose and set everything aside to just let it all out one night, and get it out of my system. and with my classmates, i could do that… but ive been staying away from them.

but what did i gain from staying away?
well, i kept my brain cells, i learned more about music, i have had a pretty rocky relationship with God… i learned how to network,  i made and kept friends through SHP…
to me, those were “real friends”… most ive lost, some i have kept. some that i will remember for the rest of my life. some who havnt made a large enough impact for me too… but im just so sick of the distance…

what am i supposed to do this year?
i dont have my older friends here anymore for me to hang with and stay “safe”… all i have is my classmates..

the people who ive been trying to avoid due to the fact that “i am above them”
but really im not. they just have fun in a different way, they have their morals, i have mine. im such a hypocrite when it comes to that sort of thing…

i mean, i went to challenge, and camp.. and it affected me, but not in the way that it did 2 years ago… i took it in, then just set it aside… and i tried to keep it in me, but i just slowly shoved it back.. what will it take to bring me back?

i hope nothing horrible, but thats out of my control…

i guess as of right now… im in a sense of waiting.

im waiting for a kick in the pants from above
im waiting for (this is gunna sound lame) a girl to come into play
and im waiting just for some peace…

ill just wait.

Alison – Elvis Costello

Oh it’s so funny to be seeing you after so long, girl.
And with the way you look I understand
that you were not impressed.
But I heard you let that little friend of mine
take off your party dress.
I’m not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
’cause I don’t know if you are loving some body.
I only know it isn’t mine.

Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.

Well I see you’ve got a husband now.
Did he leave your pretty fingers lying
in the wedding cake?
You used to hold him right in your hand.
Bet he took all he could take.
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
I think somebody better put out the big light,
’cause I can’t stand to see you this way.

Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.
My aim is true.

Ohh Elvis.

The true Elvis in my eyes, Elvis Costello.
This song is one of my most favorites of all time.

but its really deep in my life.

again, lets start with my idea on the song synopsis.

Alison is an old flame of Elvis’. they meet at a party or something, and he is reminiscing over their past. Alison got married, or divorced, or something. i can’t tell. but Elvis is sad to see her this way, either that of his jealousy that she got married to another man, or that that man left her and she is all sad and what not.

i dont really know.
but for me, its a bit different

It’s very ironic that the song title is Alison, and the girl i’m thinking of name is Allison.

Me and Allison have had a crazy past together. We got really close after Nat’l Youth Conference in Purdue. We had the same beliefs, the same “enemies” and things like that. But i was also really good friends with her best friend. and then me and her best friend started dating. and i almost had to choose between the two, and the way i chose was very very selfish and stupid. after me and her friend broke up, (fairly quickly), we stopped talking…

then she changed a lot.
she fell away from God, got a tattoo, started drinking, and hanging with the wrong people.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.

a complete turn around.
I think somebody better put out the big light,
’cause I can’t stand to see you this way.

i always liked her, and i still do…. she is just way too different. and i know she is still good inside, just in the wrong direction. and we started hanging out again these past two weeks, and i realized that i still like her…
I’m not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
’cause I don’t know if you are loving some body.
I only know it isn’t mine.

its just that i dont know what her standpoint is on anything…

all i need is some time to talk.

So Beautiful – Dashboard Confessional

I heard that you were home again, but you don’t look like your back to me
With your focuses changing your gaze is transfixed on a point that I can’t often see
You’ve got your new ties, I’ve got my old knots, you’ve got your inside lines
But your never happy with what you’ve got

Careful now,
You’re so beautiful
When you’ve convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

I heard that you were living well, but you don’t look like your living to me
Though the sparkle is gone, the smile is in place so that everyone watching can see
You’ve got them all convinced, but I know it so well
That you could list your friends, but you can’t count on them

Hold it now
You’ve got everyone convinced that your alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable

As soon as you got it you want something else
It’s not the sale that you love, its the sell
It’s not the price that’s going to cost you
It’s just the weight that’s going to bring you
Down, down, down, down

It’s going to bring you down, down, down, down, down

Hold it now
You’ve got everyone convinced that your alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable

Careful now
Your so beautiful, when you’ve convinced yourself
When no one else is quite as beautiful

As soon as you got it you want something else
It’s not the sale that you love, its the sell
It’s not the price that’s going to cost you
It’s just the weight that’s going to bring you
Down, down, down, down

It’s going to bring you down, down, down, down, down

As soon as you got it you want something else
It’s not the sale that you love, its the sell

It’s not the price that’s going to cost you
It’s just the weight that’s going to bring you
Down

This song has been in my head for awhile now. Just kind of one of those times where my observations of the life of others around me gets in the way of my own. And this is a special case.

let’s start with the main idea, from my mind at least, of the song.

It’s about a girl, who has had old “ties” with the man in the song. she comes back to their town, and looks like she’s doing okay. but she’s changed, and only he knows. she has put on a facade of this person, who is actually torn inside.

poor girl, eh?

well here is my rendition by bringing this to my life.
there’s this girl that i’ve known. not for too long, but about 5 years.
i didn’t really get to know her that well when we first met, but it was through a friend she was dating.
but because of that friend, i got a certain idea from her.
to him, she was almost just another notch in his belt.
(and i hate when its that way)
but i didnt really keep in touch after they split.
but just recently, the past two weeks actually, ive gotten to talk to her more and more.

and she has changed a lot from my preconceived notion about her.
She’s into creative writing, and wants to make it her living if she can.
she loves bands like The Beatles (my absolute favorite band), The Moldy Peaches, and more indie things.
which is awesome. but from the looks of it, it’s been a big change.

she’s a sweet girl. and very good looking. but i dont think she shows her real self to her high school friends.
such as, i dont see a girl with tastes like her be dating “the senior football star”, know what i mean?
and now, back to the song.

someone as beautiful as you shouldnt have to hid your real self, or fall for the stupid high school life of sex and beer.
Be YOURSELF, don’t just put on a facade, or hang out with the wrong people simply because they are there.

do what you want to do.

P.S: I’m thinking about making this a series
Lyrics to Life

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